Two Truths Co-Existing.

“The truth is that I want you, and every fibre in my bones is pulled toward you like two magnets drawn across a table. I find myself gravitating toward you. I could listen to you speak for hours; your voice draws me closer to reason, like a compass pointing toward God’s heart. I feel safe in your arms. In your eyes, I catch a glimpse of our future. In your laugh, I hear my joy, and on your lips, I taste the possibility of our compatibility. I wanted you from the first day you opened the gates of your mind to me. When you spoke of your values and your morals, something within me awakened, as if I had finally seen masculinity take human form before my eyes.”

Before you became someone I noticed, you were simply another man in my orbit. In simpler terms, just another conversation in the “talking stage.” But one night stood apart. The night you spoke of your values. This one was different. It stretched far beyond ordinary sleeping hours. As someone who suffers from insomnia, I was used to lonely nights that dragged endlessly, yet with you, time seemed to slip quietly past us. I had never flowed with someone so effortlessly for so long over a single call. “You talked me to sleep, yet somehow woke up my mind and made it dance, and that was the beginning of our dopamine chemistry.”

Your presence felt like a compass toward God’s heart. Calm. Certain. The kind of safety that doesn’t pretend, it just is. I would describe myself as assertive, though in truth, I am just a little stubborn. But when you spoke to me, you seemed to hold the small, childlike part of me with such care. And I could tell, genuinely, that this was simply who you were. You, in your natural form.

How do I explain a feeling that once felt foreign to my bloodstream? I had read about love at first sight, but no one had ever told me about this: you making love to my mind without ever touching my flesh. You helped me discover that I was never broken. I had simply been looking through the wrong lens, and you shifted my perspective. It was then I knew you were a visualist. You saw things others often overlooked. I resonated deeply with your morals because they reflected the kind of man I believed would lead me closer to God’s heart. You touched something sacred within me when you explained things. Never in a commanding way. Never in a tone that tried to control. Just gently, as though you were simply holding my hand through understanding. I had never known a man, other than my father, who could quiet me without silencing me. You handled chaos without becoming it. I loved that you did not tolerate nonsense. You even saw through the little defences I use to hide behind. And instead of calling them out as faults, you met them and asked: “Where are you not feeling safe, and how can I change that?” And that was when I understood something I had never known how to name before. You were my very first encounter with a man who possessed strength without hardness. Authority without arrogance. I did not know how to explain it back then, and maybe I still do not now, except to say that you felt like something I had once imagined, but never expected to meet in real life.

But two truths can co-exist. Just because two people are compatible does not always mean they are meant to begin. And just because they are playing my favourite song does not mean the timing is right for me to dance. Back before I knew you, when I believed men like you only existed in fairytales, that version of me would have welcomed you with open arms. She would have seen you as a gift from the universe. A wish granted by some quiet manifestation fairy. She would have been lost in her own dreamy illusions, already packing her bags and relocating to dopamine chemistry. Convinced it would be sustainable. Convinced you were alignment itself. Then there was after you, when I began to see the cracks in my own walls, and the truth behind the insecurities I had long mistaken for certainty. And there was you, allowing me to gently undress your vulnerabilities. You let me rub your back, and what I thought was a simple touch became something else entirely. A maze made of scars. An art exhibition titled THE HERO’S UNTOLD STORY. 

That was my first encounter with the part of you you kept hidden. I wanted to hold you, to wrap you in warmth, but you kept trying to cover your pain instead of letting me share it with you. It was in that moment that I finally understood the true weight of your strength. As I looked deeper, intentionally, the way you taught me to, I realised something. And it was everything I had been running from. It was not just that you carried pain you were healing from. It was that I saw myself in your vulnerability. Your pain felt familiar. I knew you. The scars were the same scars I was still learning to heal from. You were a reflection of me. Not in a way that scared me, but in a way that exposed truth. My previous relationship was me trying to love someone into healing, pouring from a cup they had drained. And I could see traces of the same residue in you. I saw it in the way your eyes lit up whenever I affirmed your reasoning. I heard it in the tension of your voice when you felt misunderstood, already bracing yourself before I could finish my sentence, as though you were waiting to be dismissed. And that is when I understood something I could no longer unsay: we were alike in ways that meant we had to tread carefully. Not because what we felt was not real, but because it was. Chemistry like ours does not just connect. It magnifies. And when two people who carry history like ours meet on that level, it can either heal or repeat. I knew ours deserved more than becoming another pattern we did not break.

My experience with you made me self-aware in ways I did not expect. But never in my wildest dreams did I think I would stand face to face with a 6’3″ tall, dark, handsome Leo and choose restraint. Because in person, you were not just a thought. You were a force. I could feel how fast I would surrender. The way I wanted you did not live only in my mind. I schedule us a meeting with grief and grace, They sent us an invitation to the burial of our illusions, a final dance with death before our rebirth. The introduction ceremony of two souls in motion. This is the part of the movie where the world around us becomes still, your eyes locked into mine, our hearts beating faster than a clock, and suddenly something moves across the sky, yet we are too lost in each other to tell whether it is a shooting star or a spaceship. Do we make a wish, or do we run for our lives? My mind is calm, but the chemistry keeps pulling us toward each other. We try to pause time, but the clock has begun ticking again…

This is limbo … where two truths co-exist.

T