BEYOND STOICISM : Illuminating Mens Emotional Odyssey

In the subtle echoes of a woman’s journey through her 30s, the insistent tick of her biological clock becomes undeniable. On the flip side, men nervously adjust their wrists, glancing down at their financial clocks. For men, the financial clock signifies the impending responsibilities and milestones tied to career and stability. With our declining fertility and reproductive capacity, an unspoken pressure often rests on our partners to settle down and embark on the journey of starting a family. 

Today’s conversation delves into how men navigate the convergence of these two ticking clocks, where each tic not only marks the passage of time but signifies the delicate balance between personal aspirations and societal expectations.

Have you observed how men often showcase their best selves as fathers, partners, friends, and sons when they achieve financial stability? Money provides them with a solid foundation, a footing without which many struggle to face themselves. Society has ingrained the belief that a man’s worth is closely intertwined with his capacity to provide for both himself and his current or future family. However, when a man finds himself in a financially unstable position, a darker side may emerge. This transformation occurs when survival mode is activated, and he can no longer present his best self, revealing the challenges and complexities that arise in the face of financial adversity.

When a man finds himself at his financial rock bottom, get ready for a rollercoaster of personality and mood swings. The weight of financial strain doesn’t just throw a curveball; it’s more like a full-on dodgeball tournament with his usual swagger taking a hit, confidence making way for uncertainty, and optimism replaced by an all-encompassing worry. Picture this: he’s all over the place, sulking, giving you attitude as if you’re the reason for his broke status. Yeah, that’s the vibe—. The constant pressure to meet basic needs and financial obligations is like a relentless stand-up comedian, delivering punchlines of heightened stress levels that affect both mental and emotional well-being. As the struggle to navigate economic challenges intensifies, he won’t want to go out anymore (no walks in the parks and not much talking either, more like “I want to be alone and fix my mess” vibes). It’s akin to a reluctant comedian exiting the stage, wanting to sit down and “watakin” – a dance of solitude. 

Meanwhile, the diminished capacity to express joy feels like laughter has become a luxury more elusive than a hidden treasure.

Our mothers, bless their hearts, schooled us in the culinary arts and domestic wizardry, but they forgot to hand us the guidebook to the mental side of relationships. Our men, on the other hand, were raised on the belief that providing is the alpha and omega of manhood. Now, here we are, the magnificent Gen Z’s faced with a man at war with himself and his role. What’s the playbook for that? No one told us right ? . So, there he was throwing around cusses in frustration, and in that moment my kitchen prowess suddenly felt inadequate. I mean, no magical meal I whipped up could  cure his internal turmoil. Picture yourself  standing there, pots and pans in hand, wondering, “What words of affirmation do I even feed him when my meals fall short?” It was like trying to compliment a chef when the dish is missing that secret ingredient. To those who haven’t witnessed their men in this state, well, buckle up, because that first encounter in his space while he’s channeling his inner Lucifer is like navigating a maze of frustration. You might start thinking he suddenly hates you, but in reality, all he needs is a bit of space to brainstorm solutions to his problems. I affectionately call this phase the “man period” because, let’s face it, their financial stress, if measured on a physical scale, could be likened to periods! They may not be bleeding, but those financial cramps are certainly real… haha.

It’s like trying to decode a complicated puzzle while wearing a blindfold. Speaking of puzzles, have you ever tried figuring out how to speak life into a man who feels emotionally dead and financially battered? It’s like trying to teach a fish how to ride a bicycle – confusing and seemingly impossible.

Maybe I should start suggesting that humor is the key , you know crack a joke or two in the midst of chaos I mean, they say laughter is the best medicine, but can it fix a man in the midst of an existential crisis?  Mens limited emotional language doesn’t diminish their status as emotional beings.

Engage in courageous conversations with your partner  , discussing how they wish to be treated during these internal struggles, exploring healthier coping mechanisms, and understanding how you can provide support. 

Why did our parents emphasize domestic skills but neglect to prepare us for the emotional wilderness, the very battleground where enduring relationships are forged? Mother, why didn’t you reveal the true extent of social pressure on men? I remember Dad watching wrestling matches growing up; little did I realize men bleed and carry their own fragilities. Why perpetuate the narrative that only women possess emotions while men are viewed as stoic robots? It’s in this phase of a relationship that the foundation for lasting connections is laid.

In the realm of love, my heart blooms with questions like wildflowers in a meadow. I yearn to explore the uncharted recesses of my man’s emotions, transcending the societal boundaries that confine us. I want to unravel the layers of his vulnerability and understand the intricacies of his heart. While society often paints men with broad strokes, my desire is to discover the nuanced masterpiece within. I aim to be a steadfast pillar of support, nurturing his thoughts and planting seeds of growth with my words.

I crave a connection beyond the surface, beyond the man shaped by societal norms. Let’s be naked, stripping away the layers not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I want to love him wholly, embracing every facet of his being. Together, we’ll forge a bond that transcends societal limits—a connection celebrating authenticity and vulnerability as we explore the uncharted territories of our emotional landscapes.

It’s time to defy societal norms, redefining how we approach and support each other in moments of vulnerability.

In this collective journey, we want our men to know they can unload their stress, that our emotional connection is a safe space. Reassurance will be our anthem—reminding them that they are still kings, even when the weight of the world makes them momentarily forget their crowns.