DIVING INTO THE MODERN DATING POOL pt2

I want us to dive into the real problem in our dating pool,  

Marco,

Polo,

MARCO…

We’ve all been a swimmer in this ocean some of us have been fortunate enough to make it to the shore, where a handsome man on his knees awaited us with a ruby diamond and then there are others who have found themselves trapped in a ripe tide fighting to stay above the waves. Well, I’ve been there and I can still taste the bitter sea salt. I chocked on it a few times too. I tried so hard to progress to the shore but then the rain poured down in torrents and the waves kept dragging me further out into the sea. In my last post I spoke about how Ade isn’t the only problem in our dating pool so let’s dive in shall we? 

 

Two of our lady swimmers carry a heavy secret, they both have an alternative secret ’lover’, meet Uche, Uche is the sweet caring guy that does and says all the right things and is the type of man that your father would approve. Uche is a MAN OF INTEGRITY and knows how to dick a girl the f***k down he always goes above and beyond but because he is still deep in his hustle phase (not as accomplished as he’d like to be YET] he is often over looked and undervalued by our swimmers.

 

Uche is the man that will fill up your gas on your low budget days (the same gas that you will use to drive yourself to meet Ade) and help you pay for mortgage fees on those dark financial days. Ade doesn’t even know you have dark days he thinks you’re always set, miss independent its one of the things he loves about you. Uche often sends you to the spa after a long week at work (remember the spa post on your story with the caption self-care Sunday that Ade reacted with xoxo? yeah Uche did that. He never raises his voice and is always calm and collected, all the little kind gestures he does really help add to your “big girl package”. Don’t get me wrong our swimmers are very well accomplished women and are capable of doing all these things themselves but obviously who says no to freebies right? The bitter truth is that every girl has a hidden Uche in their closet or he is out in the open but that’s only until she bumps into Ade.

First question that comes to mind is why Ade?  Why not choose Uche and grow together be with the man that will be loyal to you that will love, respect and cherish you right? Uche wouldn’t make you swim in the stagnate dirty pool, in fact he would jump right in and be your life guard because the moment you told Uche you’re a swimmer he went for swimming lessons but when you told Ade he got his shopper to get him new Burberry shorts and installed a jacuzzi in his penthouse. 

 

Uche has the “nice guy syndrome’, personally I don’t like overlyfriendly men as it always comes across as pretentious and have you noticed how they always turn out to be people pleasers? Don’t get me wrong I want my man to be kind to me and make me laugh but don’t distribute that side of yourself with everyone. I believe that a man’s teeth must stay hidden deep in his mouth because I don’t need my man to be the standupcomedian at our family events or at outings with our friends and colleagues. When I asked a few women what kind of man they wanted about 80% of them said they prefer a confident, easy going and sensitive type of men and the other 20% preferred a man who was aggressive or demanding (yes honey they are women that like to be on a leash outside of the bedroom). I found this very interesting because I would assume that Uche fits the mass criteria pretty well (80%?), so why is he being used as bait by our 2 swimmers? Ladies put your life jackets on we about to hit a tide.

 

Have you noticed how society has a tendency of pushing this narrative that women don’t know what they want? They assume we all want to start a family have kids and bake cookies on Sundays for our in laws but truth be told that’s not what we all want. I won’t speak on behalf of all women however, I will speak for myself and the black women I’ve had these conversations with, most of us want a rich bad man like Ade who will sweep us off our feet and pull a Christian Grey on us … 

We secretly all want to be Anastasia Steel, but the problem starts when we want the bad boy to turn good for us and when that doesn’t happen, we act surprised why is that? You see the media has created this false image of love where the beast turns into a charming prince and the common girl into a princess. Ladies you can’t expect a cheater to have the capabilities of a chameleon. A cheater will never change the colour of his spots and love doesn’t cure everything, it may have the intention to but even love can’t come against a man’s willpower, a man will do what he wants to do.

Some women avoid the nice guy because they believe they are too good for them and they deserve to be with the highest & most prominent men.  These huns keep their heels high and their standards even higher, it’s big boys like Ade or nothing sis. Personally, what I love about these high standard huns is that they keep men like Ade on their toes and have them eating at the palm of their hands. Have you noticed how savage girls always win? It’s because they don’t negotiate their standards. I need one of these baddies to provide us with a masterclass because a few of my mermaid sisters need to be freed from the shackles of low standards. 

 

Then there are other women who simply avoid men like Uche simply because they’ve have had their fair share of being played and mistreated by their former lovers and when they meet a nice man it feels like a set up. Why is this man being nice to me? Is this too good to be true? Some women are so used to receiving less than bare minimum, that’s why when any man approaches and does the bare minimum, they mistake it for applied pressure and at the end they only hurt themselves. These women tend to want to only date emotionally unavailable men because their inconsistency feels like home (home is not always a safe place).It’s hard to identify love when you’ve never felt loved or appreciated you end up self-sabotaging your relationship and you miss out on the opportunity of meeting great men because you’re stuck in a loophole. Imagine Uche dating a broken girl and having to deal with her projections, insecurities and her emotional abuse? A girl like that would sub-consciously put Uche through what her ex put her through and without realising she’ll be sabotaging her chance at genuine love. If Uche keeps meeting these type of women, would you blame him for focusing on his bag and adapting to Ades’s lifestyle?

 

Broken people break people.

 

Do you know why some woman date married men? Because married men promise stability (from the outside looking in anyway) and everyone wants a man who has his shit together and it is often said that when a man gets to ready to settle it means that he has reached his financial pinnacle. Others simply just love the idea of not having expectations and married men provide that for them but the irony in all of this is that they already won their medals so what the fuck are they still doing in the dating pool? 

 

We are told there is plenty of fish in the sea but where is our NEMO?! We are drowning in murky waters filled with sharks like Ade and dolphins like Uche and not to forget the married octopus who has more than two testicles oops I meant tentacles.I’m starting to get bored of this Marco Polo game, Nemo is you coming or what bro? Where you at?

Ladies my conclusion is know what kind of fish you’re dealing with and act accordingly. If you swim like a sardine in an ocean filled with sharks you will get eaten. Personally, I’m from the school of thought that to love is to recognize yourself in another, frankly speaking I could sit high up in my sea horse and act like I’ve been an Ariel all my life swaying my tail across the ocean but I remember days when I was Ursula too (she was the villain in the mermaid move in case you didn’t know) so I think it’s safe to say that we all played a part in polluting this ocean. Let’s all heal ourselves and forget about finding Nemo (because we all know how the movies go, we will find our Nemo eventually) for a second and focus on becoming better versions of ourselves and watch how fast the coast clears.

 

 

With that said my dearest mermaids I say Polo!

 

 

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